Force, fear or invitation
We keep being told what to do. It could be someone telling us we need to do something, like invest in their product or service, or simply agree with them. This goes far beyond marketing from strangers, as we can be influenced by people around us. It can quickly become very negative though if pressure is applied. That’s what I’d like to explore here.
If we think about it, there are essentially three options when we need to influence someone. Force, fear or invitation.
To put it another way, we can compel people, worry them or inspire them. In this post we’ll look closely at the potential dangers of the first two options, and the clear benefits of the latter.
When we’re aware of this, we can think carefully about how we’re being influenced, how we influence others and what we can do to set the right example.
I think this is so important. The pressure, threats and attempts to mislead others are clearly damaging people’s mental health and wellbeing, both online and in the real world. For me, a bigger problem is that a lot of these people actually think they’re doing good. It’s so important that we all think about this right now.
Force
When someone forces someone to do something, there’s normally some kind of threat or consequence in the mix. They apply leverage. Decisions made as a result of force probably won’t be harmonious or mutually beneficial. While the more extreme examples of this can be clear, the slight examples can be harder to spot. They can often be found in relationships, where emotions can be leveraged.
The big problem with using force to influence people is that you usually rack up some sort of debt, That resistance, defiance and resentment is sure to build up. Do we really want to deal with that?
The key thing for me here is the absence of debate or discussion. While this may be necessary if someone has authority, or needs to assert rules or laws, it can easily spiral into cruelty and coercion without balance and consideration. Unless it’s a matter of time or safety, is force really the best way forward?
Surely your argument isn’t so weak that you need to resort to threats to gain compliance?
Fear
It’s a powerful motivator. That fear of missing out, being judged or suffering some sort of consequence. Fear is often subverted. Fraudulent messages claiming to be from our bank, the government or a service provider can be cruely effective. They insist we face a threat that requires an urgent response to stay safe and secure.
This isn’t just a tactic employed by criminals though. Just think about how many times we’re told a product or service will protect us, or we only have a limited time to make a decision. These messages are usually backed up with dire warnings. Fear sells.
I also see fear utilised when people try to influence others in order to gain their agreement. This is often related to politics or serious social issues.
We see words like these. “If you don’t agree with what I’m saying, you are a …” In the modern world, the words you could easily insert here include: a fascist, intolerant, racist, immoral, evil or a range of phobics.
I rarely see words like this used appropriately and to challenge genuine wrongdoing. It’s often when someone assumes someone isn’t ‘on their side’.
These of course aren’t words we want to dilute or downplay. They are usually weaponised when they are used like this. A hateful mix of fear and force that are clearly intended to remove perceived challenges. Enforce that person’s version of morality and decency the hard way.
I honestly think using any of them frivolously instantly dissolves someone’s credibility and the strength of their argument. They often come from an absolute view of the world as well, inflexible and certain. How can we ever make progress with this approach?
While it can be helpful to warn people of consequences if they don’t take action on something important (while perhaps speaking about health or climate change) it’s easy to go too far. Distort things to suit our interests. I think you have to be very responsible if you ever try to use fear to influence someone.
Invitation
Finally, we get to the positive one. Respect and encouragement are often its companions. We are literally inviting people to listen to us, give us the opportunity to introduce them to something and try it if they want to. All choices.
If we want to influence people by invitation on a large scale, we have to be good at what we do and craft a genuine and compelling narrative. Speak or write in a way that inspires, to ensure people understand us.
This is the way I want to motivate people. Bring them round to my way of thinking. As you’ve probably guessed, there are no shortcuts. Good intentions and hard work are key ingredients.
I honestly think the world needs a lot more of this right now.
Have a think about how you could influence other people by invitation. Suggest they try things and explain how they can help them. Do everything with integrity and build up mutual respect. Aim to have people thank you, rather than resent you. You could also teach them an important lesson.
I hope this has helped you. This one is so important to me, as so many people are clearly hurting others by using fear or force when they try to influence people. As I’ve said, a bigger problem for me is that a lot of these people actually think they’re doing good.
If you spend time online you’re sure to encounter this. Whether it’s scams and abuse on social media or biased and unobjective news coverage or articles, it’s there. You may even have the misfortune of encountering this at home or in the office. For me, it’s the perfect time to set an example. Evangelise through your actions.